the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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