I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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