I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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