wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize