Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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