have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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