Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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