I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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