I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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