How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize