I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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