Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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