were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize