I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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