I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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