Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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