His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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