all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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