You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize