You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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