I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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