literally had 100 drinks last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize