No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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