gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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