drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize