people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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