This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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