first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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