I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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