he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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