I can text with my tongue
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize