I have demons in me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize