there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I did not marry a roomba.
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