My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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