So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is my gift to your gina
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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