I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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