I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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