thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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