Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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