Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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