We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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