New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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