i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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