i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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