remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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