If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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