You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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