Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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