We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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