You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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